Awesome November/October of 2013

Confusion gripped me mercilessly, 

and knocked me off my feet.  

'No more' I said to these past yet present grief, 

trying to forget the simple words you speak. 

All those memories are diving deep, 

to somewhere far you wouldn't believe.  

Once again I am left to bleed, 

praying that someday our paths may meet. 

Even if you never notice, 

promises made I would still keep. 

Flashing back a month ago when I felt like this incident was so earth-shattering to me, I thanks my parents who showered me with love unconditionally during my downtime and remind me that I am always loved. And I thanks god for shining her blessings upon my soul. Last not least Jingyi and Weiqi who pulled me out of the whirlpool. I guess I lamented too much, expected too much from a wrong person..

For once I have to agree that being emotionally independent is far more important than anything else because when you are not, you would think of all means or even do anything to get rid of those negative thoughts in you. Everything will eventually settle, whether your terrible emotions, or whatever bad day, thence it is not the matter of who puts this an end but the growth in you counts a bigger part. Shall I say that the trust within has shattered, or shall I believe that walls are building up around me. For whoever you see me as, I will not freaking care anymore, neither will I seek for your help during my downtime because again and again you proved me my idea is RIGHTER than what you have tried to persuade.

It's a long month, it feels like I have grown up in such a short period of time. Universities applications, academic, finals, friendship problem and some internal conflicts have got all out of me. Tormented mentally, I just want to get all these frustrations out of my chest, for I have been bottling up too long to an extent that I hurt myself protecting others. 

(To whoever reading this, you might not be able to decode everything I just wrote. Well they are written in such a way for me to understand only. Hehe.) 

(To you whom I might refer to, no worries I have already moved on from the bleakness and rising to shine. I would still be there until the day I am no longer needed.) 

一切都可以放弃

久违，这段时间我成长了不少。大致上就是，哎，还是先从一段故事说起吧。
有那么一个人，失去了孩子，天天郁郁不乐，甚至数次尝试自寻短见。
直至有那么一天，他在上山打水的路上，遇见了那么一位和尚。
和尚见他面色沧桑，心存郁结，问道：＂这位兄弟，您怎么如此悲伤？发生了什么不如意的事情吗？＂
＂孩子他，他还如此年幼就不辛遇害归天了，我该怨谁呀？我夜夜梦见孩子不断向我求救，让我彻夜难眠。可怜的孩子呀。。我。＂说着说着开始抽泣。＂我。。放不下我孩子，想必他一个人在另一边也一样孤单害怕。＂
＂没有放不下的事情，也没有忘不了的人，你就节哀顺变吧。＂
＂你怎能明白我的心情，怀了9个月的孩儿，如此突然地离开我，这叫我怎么能放得下？！＂她越说越伤心，颤抖的音里挟带着愤怒。＂这根本就让人无法放下！＂
和尚掏出一个破旧的杯子，倒入沸水，递给那位妇女：＂你能握得住这杯子吗？＂
妇女拿过杯子，不解和尚的用意。
不过一会儿，妇女就放下那烫手的杯子。
＂你放不下的事情就如这杯热水，持得越久，手就越觉得烫，那时你自然就会放手了。＂

说罢变拂袖而去。


说了这么多，我想要传达的到底是什么？

很多人情场失意，商场挫败，就再也不能爬起来了，原因在于； 他们放不下那低落的情绪，放不下自己认为无法放下的人。但执着与过去的失败不就如手持热水，握得越旧越感受热，最后直到内心再也无法承受时才逼迫自己放下。
至于坚持认为自己不能放下的人，就坚持握住那悲痛，直至疼痛渗透了肌肤，直到伤口溃烂，直到伤痕累累才肯放下。
疼痛，都是一样的，握得越旧越疼；与其纠结与过去的悲伤，为什么就无法努力改变现在的生活？
与其自甘堕落地承受一切伤痛，为什么就不能拿出相同的觉悟尝试改变自己？我就是那么一个人。
＂一切都可以放弃。＂



_嘉慧_十时五十二分_夜_七月十八

Music

Music makes me move.
Music makes me groove.
Music makes me feel beautiful.
Music makes me feel like I'm home.

Music takes away my weary soul.
Music takes away my deepest sorrow.
Music carries my floral bow,
To where I see a hope.

Music is my life.
Music is my bride.
Music is my dad and mom,
Together they shines bright.

Music enlightens my heart.
Music arouses my anger.
Music excites my passion,
To hint me with whom to grow old.

Music is mine.
Music is yours.
Music is ours.
Music is the world.

那幅画

是不是人长得越大，就越不会说话，亦或是人糊涂了，忘了怎么表达？

并不是不懂，而是害怕说出口所以假装什么都感受不到。心里受的打击越大，承担的就越重，就更难以放下。


两年半了，画了两年多的图，内涵也被无情光阴给覆盖。

也许是不想再多说些什么，选择沉默的同时，迷茫的感觉不间断在脑海扰乱我的思绪，在我的血里淌着。

尽管如此，还是想要有个人可以放下过去，为我停下脚步，好好欣赏我的画。

他虽然比上不足，但只要你细心赏看，会发现，包含的耐心与毅力，是我可以呈现最好的一幅画。


主啊，尽了所有的我换不来一个回首，被泪洗礼数次的脸庞并没有变得更坚强。
我衷心请求给我力量度过低潮，让我重心找回那艏船，航我路线，让我找到归心路。

透了

如果上帝赐予我多一颗心有多好。
至少一颗碎了还能活下去。
如果上帝赐予我一双洁净的双眼有多好。
至少我哭累了还有个靠山。

如果能够再一次选择，我不会选择让自己伤心难过。

现在，再多的遗憾也弥补不了过去，再多努力也无法遮掩留下的伤疤，唯有相信时间可以淡化这磨灭不了的创伤。

只怪自己不会长大不懂的珍惜。

心，伤透了，所剩不多。

眼，看透了，就不再迷茫。